I feel like

I feel like a bird 

Falling in the layers of the wind 

Down down 

Around 

And up again 

Surrendering to the currents 

As they push and pull and dance 

I feel like a butterfly caught in a gust of wind Unknowing where I will land 

Here for the ride 

Only stopping on a petal 

For a quick bite to eat 

And off again 

I feel like a piece of pollen 

Will it work this time? 

Or will I land in the earth and get buried Only to wait for next season to be discovered again 

Sometimes being dormant 

Underground 

Allows for the depth and strength 

Required to bloom high in the sky 

Reaching high and strong for the sun 

I feel like a leaf 

Unfurling 

To show myself 

Fully in the sun

Connection

We the people 

Seek the need for connection 

Regular, deep, face to face 

Connection 

Time in commUnity 

creates growth 

Stimulates healing 

Engages all senses, 

exchanges energy

Connection 

Like a hand on a page or

A hand shake, or a hug 

Connection 

We the people 

Call out for connection 

Redirection from our hearts to the Earth 

We seek protection from all evil 

That superficial, icky, low blow low vibe

Controlling domineering aggressive stuck in the mud

Be gone 

Instead, Deep rooted Love 

Long lasting connection 

Thriving reciprocal, infinitely regenerative 

Connection 

Shedding

Unwrapping misery from my loins 

Like peeling off a layer of skin 

Like a tree dropping leaves 

Like a snake slithering away 

Unraveling intensity from my nerves 

Turning it over

Seeing what’s on the other side 

Unfollowing drama 

Bye bye bye 

Unlocking stress from my system 

Stepping away from it

Stepping off of it 

Throwing it away 

Unloading fearful thoughts from my crown 

One at a time 

Dusting it off, putting it down 

Letting it go

Exhale fear 

Inhale love 

The layer is off

And here I sit 

Vulnerable, new 

Reborn, or unborn, I am born again 

It all feels raw, am I alone? Am I okay?

Are you? 

On Love and Grief

The thing about death is everyone thinks it is contagious

Contagious like they can catch it, like because my sister dies if they get close to me their sister will die. Or sibling, or parent or friend or them or just death. 

Wow, dying. 

A fact of life, that all things are constantly going through, we cut flowers to put on our kitchen table and talk about their beauty, as they die. We throw them away in the garbage without mourning their beauty, replacing them with a  new fresh cut bunch. Dying. 

Another thing about death is when involved, it’s a battle of who is suffering the most. Like loss and mourning is somehow quantifiable. 

Can you can measure how heavy the weight in your chest is, the amount of tears, the tissues, as though whoever cries more or yells more or drinks more alcohol or hides or travels more. Is it quantifiable, like being the mother is worse than being the sister. 

How is that measurable? 

How is suffering something that can be weighed with your eye? 

Can it be measured at all?

You can feel the weight of the pain, the stickiness of it, the sorrow, the abyss it creates. Yet the darkness of competing or fathoming one suffers more in a family. 

Suffering and mourning are incomprehensible once experienced

Trauma, pain, love, suffering, joy. It’s your own measure of it. 

Death is 

Like a leaf 

Falling 

Falling 

Falling 

When it happens close to you so much self loss occurs

Memories shared run through your head, gestures of the person, their smile, their essence, their soul passes through your mind's eye

But when my sister died, my body went numb

My mind blank 

I longed for her hug 

What remains is the love that we shared 

And the desire  to nurture the love that continues in spirit.  

Changes

I feel the Earth shifting

Folks are waking up - meaning they see (we) are seeing through the veil of the other

We are reconnecting with our oneness and that of the universe, the broader connection we have with our community, each other, our families, and ourselves

Our purpose is arriving loudly

For years on earth, we have viewed the other from a distance, many were put on stage, in the limelight, cameras and flashes, paparazzi

Those not presented in the flash, longed or wondered why they were not placed there, and subsequently and unconsciously, elevated that other

May it be the priest or the pastor preaching at the altar

Or a celebrity on the cover of a magazine

A newscaster or weatherman on the television

An actor, or “reality” television star

The radio host

A doctor, a teacher

Any other one who provided direction to you - whom you looked up to or at to consider how you should move or dress or act

In this moment, I feel a strong sense of inner direction and discernment

When I review experiences of the past that are resurfacing, I see their purpose

I am understanding that many instances does not need dissecting - a feeling alone is enough to guide your way

A binary I can buy into is if it is not a hell yes, it is a no.

Maybe is a feeling used when either something is still being deliberated, considered or you are not being honest with yourself

Or one is stuck in fear of action - you know the way but the actions to take to get there feel unattainable, they require courage to achieve

A maybe may require a vulnerable conversation

And to be vulnerable means being brave which means being uncomfortable which means taking action.

When will we?

When will those on Earth stop accepting abuse?

When will humans value themselves enough to put an end to it?

When will humans and families forbid abuse from entering our sacred sphere?

When will we fight and speak up so loudly against abuse that we bring an end to it?

How will we treat the victims? Will we finally turn to them with love and understanding? When will we stop brushing their tears and fears and pain away? When will we hold abusers accountable for their pain? When will we require them to face their own pain within themselves and disallow them from putting it onto others?

The evil prevails on Earth. We turn our faces, we deny the signs, we think and say oh it can’t be that bad. Why can’t it be that bad? What if it is worse?

How do we approach healing? Will we cry openly in the streets with each other asking for forgiveness? Jesus will embrace us all with his love but we must open our hearts.

Working with others as a woman

And an entrepreneur is sometimes really weird. Like there are so many feelings and opinions at play.

Two women / feminine working together is such a blend of are we friends? Do we yap? Where and when do we delegate?

Conversations blur between is this social? Is this professional? Is this both?

Is everyone really saying what they mean?

What is being omitted?

Then how do we navigate when things feel weird?

Men, men / masculine can arrive at a more surface level space - their ability to disconnect from the heart space and be only mental is uncanny. Yeah bro cool man great. Money. Let’s go.

Still so much is left unsaid. The feelings remain out of it. Business happens in ways that are unethical. The heart is left out. Partnerships form between folks with dislike and distaste for one another. People out of their moral code in the name of capital gains, fame, capitalism. Otherwise known as corporate greed, or corruption.

The feminine must be introduced into business practices, we must incorporate our hearts into our work. Without it, we lose our code. The communities needs are not included, and they must be.

Abuse is not only

Physical signs, physical ailments, something someone else can see.

Abuse is more seen in subtle signs, like

Stalking, harassing. Nothing to say. Intrusive thoughts. Uneasiness. Your insides screaming but being physical frozen. Saying yes when you mean no. Never saying no. Disassociating. One word answers.

Abuse is sometimes being given lots of gifts for unspeakable trade offs. Thinking it’s okay because they’re related or they’re important or they love me. Or they say they love me. Or this is what love is… right? Or, because it’s too hard to leave. Or because they pay for everything. Or because they buy me nice things or because how would I get this or pay for that or? Or because what would this person or that person or they, what would they say?

Abuse is kinda weird and uncomfortable and confusing.

Unpopular Opinions (I am One)

My energy is so huge that all interactions contain tension

Those that sustain, survive, and thrive are either by blood or ability and desire to get through

People can’t handle the heat! Confrontation is not a bad thing! Where is the gall?!

I find many on Earth to be very avoidant

in love, in conversation, in action, in communication - the overstimulation blocks the desire and ability to take a step. the freeze, the pause is prevalent. Most dont have the balls to say what they really mean.

some say, not everything needs to be said?

my reply is WHY not? until all can hear each others thoughts, why are we hiding?

my energy is incapable of hiding.

I come on like a freight train, a firework, incapable to be avoided.

a wheel on fire rolling down the road, all must turn to look.

do I like this? Has this been easy? I can be nothing more than huge. it is my entire being.

I sob when connections go sour, when the ghosts arrive and the communication stops

I wonder, I thought you had more confidence? I thought you had more presence? But you disappear.

Even a severance must be heard.